i hate that i have to try

For the past 365 days (or more), when I come home from work/school/gym/cafe/church/wherever, my mom has (without FAIL) asked me the following question:
"Did you wash your hands?"

I mean, yes. Of course I washed my hands. It's always, ALWAYS been a hygienic habit of mine to wash my hands, and I do not understand why my mom has insisted on asking me this question every time I come home.

I figure it's because of the swine flu and all.

But seriously, if I always answer "yes" to her "Did you wash your hands?" for the page 365+ days, isn't it about time to stop asking?

It even feels stupid to answer her question now. It's become a habit, or almost a greeting.

I was OK with it for the first 8 months, but since about July or August, I started getting a little annoyed with the question. I started to wonder if my mom just likes the question or if she has made that her new "hello." or maybe she really thinks I'm unhygienic?

I don't know why I'm so annoyed. I guess I just don't get the point of her asking me every single day, like I'm some pre-schooler who needs Daily Reminders from Mommy to wash my hands. with soap and warm water!

Wouldn't you be annoyed?

I feel so awful for feeling this way about Mom. I wish I could just be like Lillian who could brush things off with a "yes Umma, what's for dinner?" (I've noticed that she changes the topic really fast. Don't know if she does it on purpose or not, but it is genius.)

I'm just not hunky dory with my mom. Increasingly so, too. And I am wondering why.

I'm not like this with anyone else. Why my mom? The one who loves me with everything she's got. Oh Lord, change my heart.

I re-read my post, and am embarrassed by it. I sound like a teenager.

100 steps

i go one
and He runs ninety nine
just to embrace me

some thoughts on a Sunday afternoon

What I hate the most is when people think that righteousness is bigotry. It makes me want to come out of my Christian body and sock a few people. After all, I am human.

Lord, here are many times when we think we love You well, but upon hearing Your call to love You with all our heart, and all our mind, and all our strength, we confess that our love for You is a diluted love, made insipid and flat by lesser loyalties and a divided heart. our love seems pure only for brief moments; soon our affections are drawn away. How easily our devotion dies. Forgive us; in deep mercy spare us, despite our lost first love for You; in grace rekindle our love for You in seeing anew Jesus' love for us.

flighty

I can't believe how flighty I am about normal day-to-day things. I can't make a decision for the life of me. But you know, when I'm locked into something, I'm loyal to it to the end.

I go through love/hate sentiments about most things in my life. Family members, boyfriend, school, life, facebook, people in general, ideas, feelings, etc.

Just went thru facebook and removed myself from 90% of facebook groups. I was thinking, "Why must I advertise my opinion?" and I secretly judged everyone who joined really opinionated groups, like- "Team Aniston" and "Team Jolie." To them, I want to say: GET A LIFE.

I deleted/privatized most of my pictures and deleted 68/70 of my profile pictures, and I went through the normal process of deleting strangers from my friend list on Facebook.

This morning, I woke up and thought, "Should I just apply to med school right now?"

And then I thought, "Maybe I should get a PhD in Pharmacology and do research instead."

And now I want to delete my blog.

fall weather

I can actually feel it.
Something about it motivates me to work.
The sky seems higher and the lights are dimmed down 2 shades of gray.
I like that it's appropriate to wear a scarf.

Going out to a cafe to work on my apps. I am determined to send out my primary application tonight! It has already waited too long.

Lord, be my strength!

blah blah blah

blahblahblahblahblah

blahblahblahblahblahblah

stop talking please.